Big 'T' and little 't' trauma

Did you know that when you were born, you were one in 4 trillion chances of arriving on this earth? 

You are, by every definition, a miracle. 

And yet, so many of us live far below our potential for greatness.

Why is that? Is it simply due to circumstances? Events that happen to us? Maybe. But more often, it's how we learn to process those events.

Because it's not the pain itself that defines us — it's what we do with it. Our ability to emotionally regulate – to meet ourselves in the storm of big feelings and still choose healing – is what determines how we show up in the world. It's what decides whether we stay stuck in our story or begin to write a new one. 

Many of us are still operating from the unhealed child within.

 The child who didn’t get the magazine she had longed for.

 Who felt overlooked, invisible, or desperately lonely.

 The child who wasn't believed when she said she was in pain, but was forced to go to school anyway.

 And in that moment, something in her decided:

“My needs don’t matter.”
“I must be strong, even when it hurts.”
“No one will protect me – I have to do it all myself.”

These beliefs, forged in moments of pain, become the quiet scripts we carry into adulthood. 

We wear them like invisible armour. 

And they show up in the way we love, the way we work, the way we cope – or don’t.

But here's the truth: you are not that little child anymore.

You are powerful. 

Capable. 

You get to reparent yourself now, with gentleness and truth.

 You get to recognise when your response is rooted in an old wound – and choose differently.

Healing isn’t about pretending the past didn’t happen.

 It’s about no longer letting it rule your present.

Because when we learn to meet our pain with compassion, we unlock our potential for greatness. 

Not in spite of our story – but because of how we rise through it.

So the beginning of this blog was about the little t traumas – the subtle, often invisible wounds that accumulate over time. But what about the big T traumas?

The rapes.
The suicides we’ve witnessed.
The physical abuse.
The emotional torment.
The betrayals that shattered something deep inside us.

What happens then? How do we survive those? How do we ever begin to heal?

Big T trauma is like an earthquake in the soul. 

It doesn’t just leave a scar – it can fracture your sense of self, safety, and even your connection to the world around you. Often, it leaves you numb, hypervigilant, or trapped in cycles of fear, shame, or dissociation. 

And because it’s so immense, many people believe healing isn’t possible.

But it is.

Healing from big T trauma doesn’t mean forgetting what happened.

 It doesn’t mean pretending you’re “over it” or trying to put a positive spin on the unthinkable. 

It means learning how to be with what happened — without letting it define your every moment.

 It means learning how to regulate your nervous system again, how to trust your body, your instincts, and eventually… other people. 

It’s layered.
And it’s not linear.

Right now, you may be seeing there are days when you're soaring, and days when you're back on the floor. 

That’s not failure — that’s healing.

And just like with the little t traumas, the key lies in how we learn to emotionally regulate — to witness the overwhelm, and gently bring ourselves back into safety. 

To allow grief, rage, confusion, and hurt to move through us, not get stuck in us.

What determines our future isn’t just what happened — it’s how we meet it now.

So if you’re carrying big T trauma, know this:
You are not broken.
What happened to you was not your fault.
And healing, is possible.

With the right support, safety, and self-compassion, you can reclaim your life. 

Not by erasing the past, but by rising with it — wiser, softer, stronger than before.

Send me a message today and together, lets see where we start. Remember that you don't have to see the whole staircase, just to take the first step.