"We Will Never Be Those Kids Again" – And Yet, We Still Are

I spotted this scrawled in red marker on the side of a skate park today:

“We will never be those kids again.”Possibly the worst graffiti I’ve seen.

And yet—maybe the best.

Because it stopped me cold. Not because it was poetic, but because it was true, in that deep, uncomfortable, soul-knocking way.

We aren’t those kids anymore. And yet, many of us are walking around every day living in the child we once were.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard someone in session say,“I can’t do that because...”

And when we peel back the layers, it almost always lands here:

“Because I’m not enough.”It’s startling how early these beliefs form—and how deeply they drive our lives decades later. Especially for women.

We grow up internalising stories that were never really ours, yet we carry them into our parenting, our relationships, our careers, and our businesses like they’re facts instead of wounds.

Here are four subconscious beliefs I see come up again and again in women—and how they quietly shape not only our lives, but the lives of our children:

1. “I am not enough.”

Formed in the quiet gaps between love and approval. Maybe we had to perform for praise or be "good" to be safe.

Now? We over-give, over-achieve, undercharge, and still wonder if we’re “doing enough.”

At home, we may fear our child’s mistakes reflect badly on us.

 In business, we undervalue our work.

 And inside, we feel like impostors even when the world applauds.

2. “My needs come last.”

Many of us watched the women before us run on empty. Selflessness was survival—and sometimes, a badge of honor.

Now? we burn out quietly. We take care of everyone but ourselves. 

We teach our children—without ever meaning to—that love equals self-neglect. 

And we bring this same martyrdom into our work, saying yes when we should say no, giving more than we sustainably can.

(Photo credit to the kid with the red marker)

3. “It’s not safe to be seen.”

Maybe we were told to be quiet, nice, or not “too much.” Maybe when we spoke up, someone shut us down.

Now? We hide. We hesitate to raise our hands, raise our prices, or raise our voices. We let our fear of judgment lead. We stay invisible in business and tiptoe around the fullness of who we are—even with our children, who are desperate to see our realness.

4. “Success must come with suffering.”

We saw struggle normalised—working to the bone, equating busyness with worth. 

Maybe we were told wealthy people were greedy. 

Or that rest was lazy.

Now? we make things harder than they need to be. 

We distrust ease. 

We self-sabotage growth in business.

 And we teach our children, unknowingly, that thriving should feel like drowning.

And One More... The One That Bleeds Into Everything:

“I have to be emotionally strong all the time.”

This one is deep. 

Learned young, especially if we were shamed for crying, told to toughen up, or saw big emotions punished.

So we hold it in. We keep the face on.

And in doing so, we teach our kids that their emotions are inconvenient.

 That crying is weakness. 

That sadness is scary. 

That joy is risky.

We become emotionally distant, even while physically present.

That graffiti felt like a warning and a whisper at the same time.“We will never be those kids again.”

But if we don’t do the work to recognise, feel, and untangle these inherited beliefs, we will live as those kids—in grown-up bodies, with adult responsibilities, making decisions from a place of old pain.

Healing isn’t about rejecting the child we were. It’s about re-parenting her. 

Listening to her.

 Letting her be messy and loud and scared and joyful and brilliant.

It’s only then that we stop handing those old beliefs down.

Because the truth is:

We might not be those kids anymore…

But we’re raising the next ones.